It's funny (well, not ha-ha funny, but curiously funny) that some days are so much better than others ...
Some days I feel almost normal - like I'm my usual slightly optimistic, ready to attack the world-self.
I get up, have breakfast, have a cigarette on the porch, go to work, get home in the evening, do some emails, read, watch a movie, go to bed & don't really think about her until that moment when my head is on the pillow, I close my eyes and everything becomes very quiet.
And on other days she's a constant buzz in my head, and no matter what I do I can't focus on anything but how horrible I feel, how much I miss her.
It takes every ounce of will-power just to get out of bed in the morning; work is impossible and sleep won't come.
The weekends are the worst, I think. |